Just Some More Drivel…
*A word of warning: this is word vomit in its most extreme form*
Helloooo everyone ! I hope you’re all well and getting EXCITED FOR THE SUMMER THAT IS HOPEFULLY ON ITS WAY SOON !
It’s been a while, hasn’t it ! Truthfully, I’ve not felt very inspired as of recent. I’ve also been quite busy, you know, corporate life and all that ! (please note my sarcasm). But I decided today was the day to write, and even now that I’ve expressed some thoughts through the keyboard of my work laptop because I stood on my personal laptop and smashed it, nothing I’ve written carries much meaning or is in any way cheerful. So, on that note, enjoy !
Occasionally, I find myself overwhelmed by a sense of insignificance.
WHAT? I DID SAY IT WASN’T CHEERFUL.
I recently read Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari, and whilst I’m aware that it’s only a book and MILLIONS of other people have also read it, I think it’s had quite an effect on how I perceive my existence (I sort of hope it’s done the same for other people or else I’m going to look a right fool here). Sapiens takes you right through history from the Neanderthals to the Manhattan Project, from the Agricultural Revolution to the meaning of life, and it’s made me so much more conscious of human history in ways I had not fully appreciated before. To be quite frank, it's a massively humbling read and rightfully so. It’s confirmation that we’re all just tiny cogs in the immense wheel of the universe, and I suppose, in history.
And so by “insignificance”, I mean that sometimes I feel like everything I do is trivial or insubstantial, that my actions have no real impact on the world; the idea that if we don’t go for that walk or if we don’t eat that apple, that the world would be no different. And of course, I know that if we don’t go for that walk or if we don’t eat that apple, the world would be no different. It’s just that I get these moments where I suddenly feel that my every decision is completely, well, pointless? I’m not even certain that’s the right word for it, but unfortunately my vocabulary limits me here.
It’s not that I’m unhappy or that I’m craving anything specific. I’m actually the most content I’ve been in years. It's perhaps a realisation of our place in the grand scheme of things: just another person going about their daily routine, seemingly making no substantial mark on the world. Just another person, buying milk and throwing the plastic away.
Please note that I realise I’m being completely melodramatic here. I also don’t want to be misunderstood for being self-important either, because it’s not that I want this to change, that I want to be significant because that’s not the case. I don’t mind being insignificant at all. It suits me just fine. It’s just the realising that we all are... (well bar the people actually making history like Jane Goodall or Jennifer Lopez). Perhaps, it’s this strange fear of getting to the age of 40, having not made a dint on the world in any way (when I say dint, I mean a positive, hopefully-environmentally-friendly, intangible, dint).
Evidently, this is all down to me getting in my head a lot - not about minor personal things like do my friends really like me or do I eat enough vegetables, but in a much broader sense, like is my entire existence just having a negative effect on the earth’s health? Am I contributing to overseas conflicts by not doing anything to prevent them? And then at the same time, I realise: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? I AM JUST ONE PERSON. NOTHING I DO AS AN INDIVIDUAL WILL HAVE ANY IMPACT ON ANYTHING. I AM SO INSIGNIFICANT.
I guess I was kind of hoping that perhaps someone reading this (if anyone does lol), that you may have had these silly goofy thoughts at some point as well, and if so, please feel free to share. If not, this is a safe space where I hope not to be judged… even though I wouldn’t blame you having read the absolute car crash that is what is written above.
Anyway… let’s talk about something else !
CILLIAN MURPHY WON BEST ACTOR AT THE OSCARS !
EMMA STONE WON BEST ACTRESS AT THE OSCARS !
Happy bloody days !
Right, well, it seems that that’s all we have time for today/my inspiration to write has quickly died out/I’m getting tired/self-conscious, so before I finish this blog completely abruptly and having discussed nothing but myself, I thought I’d still do my BIWEEKLY JAMS (I realise that it’s become more of a bimonthly occasion at this point but I’m too lazy to change the title).
BIWEEKLY JAMS
As per, the Biweekly Jams feature consists of me choosing three songs that I recommend you guys give a listen (even if you know them already!). This week I’ve chosen three completely unrelated songs, simply because I can and WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME OTHERWISE.
1 “The Curious Case of Dustin Sunbeams” - Rosie Miles (2023). This song, taken from her 2023 album Still Life, is simply the most perfect modern folk song I could possibly imagine. Based in Leeds, Rosie Miles has a really beautiful deep voice and I hope that you find this song/album as special as I do (I also adore the song title).
2 “Getaway” WRKHOUSE (2024). Yes, I’m being biased because they’re my friends, but I PROMISE that this is an incredible track that you must listen to AS SOON AS! Having rebranded (they previously were known as the band Lewys), WRKHOUSE are an up-and-coming quartet from North Wales, especially now having been awarded the 2024 BBC Horizons Launchpad Fund and are regulars on BBC Introducing… They have an album coming VERY SOON and also a tour, so head to their Instagram to check them out (search WRKHOUSEWRKHOUSE).
3 “New Dawn” Anoushka Shankar (2024). Do you ever discover a song that completely changes your mood… No? Well… this song had this effect on me. It absolutely tore me to shreds and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ll recover.
On that note, thank you for reading/listening. Not too sure why you have, but here we are.
Jks thank you so much speak soon xxxx
